IGNITE : A BILLIONAIRE ROMANCE Page 8

  “I know. When he stopped seeing his therapist, I tried to get him to go back, but he told me there wasn’t any point, that he would never be able to forgive himself for what happened. He still feels that way.”

  I stand and walk towards Robert’s bed, suddenly feeling like I want to be close to him. He’s suffered for so long.

  The machines whir loudly and Robert’s hand is bandaged, but I slip my fingers beneath his and hold onto him gently. I want to see him open his beautiful eyes. I want him to flash me that smile that knocked the sense out of me that first time I saw him. I want to see him walk in that way he has that makes him seem too powerful and so in control. I need a chance to make him see all the things he’s been hiding from for so long.

  “Robert,” I say quietly. “Robert.” I make my voice louder, wanting him to know, if he can hear me, that I’m with him. “You have to wake up now, Robert. Enough sleeping. I’ve got things I need to say to you. Things I need to tell you.” I hear Aaron rise from his chair and make his way towards me. “Your brother is here, Robert. He’s worried about you. You need to wake up so we know that you’re okay.”

  I wait with hope, wanting to feel his fingers twitch or see his eyelids flicker. I pray for any sign that he might be responsive, but there’s nothing.

  I haven’t prayed in a long time.

  I look to Aaron who meets my eyes with his serious green ones.

  “He’ll come around soon,” I say, hoping I sound more certain that I really am. “He’s strong. We just need to give him time and we’ll deal with all the other stuff later. I look back at Robert. His lips are dry so I go to my purse, find my lip balm and smooth some over them. He feels warm and alive and I feel a glimmer of hope at that.

  My phone begins to vibrate in my bag and I know it’ll be my office, trying to locate me. I must have a patient waiting. I don’t want to leave Robert’s side. I want to be here when he wakes, but it could be days before that happens. I have people to help and I can’t let them down so I turn to Aaron. “I need to go to my office now. I have patients. Will you stay here with him?”

  “Yes. I’ve called our parents and they're on their way.”

  I reach out to squeeze Robert’s hand again. “Okay. I’ll come by later. Can you call me if anything changes?” I find a business card in a side pocket and hand it to Aaron.

  “Sure.”

  I lean over Robert and smooth my finger over his eyebrow and the small patch of his cheek that isn’t covered by bandages or breathing apparatus. “Come back to us, Robert,” I whisper as tears burn in my eyes and my throat.

  Walking away is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Each step that takes me further from Robert seems so wrong and I have a bad feeling in my gut. The same as I had yesterday.

  A sense of impending darkness.

  14

  ROBERT

  The breeze is gentle against my skin. It feels like summer. I glance around and nothing about this place is familiar.

  Tall trees spread their wide boughs in the distance. Under my bare feet is soft, lush grass.

  I walk slowly, spinning around so I can try and work out where I am and where I might need to go but there is nobody else here and nothing to trigger any recognition.

  I feel peaceful, which is strange. I have no idea where I am but it doesn’t worry me at all.

  I get an urge to lay down. I want to feel the grass under my palms and the sun on my skin. I want to relish the peace I feel in my heart. Nothing is as it should be but I can’t remember why.

  I hear my name. ‘Robert’. It’s a woman’s voice and it sounds desperate. It sounds as though she’s searching for me. I sit up and glance around again.

  ‘It’s okay,’ the voice says. ‘You’re going to be okay’.

  I don’t understand why my heart feels lighter at her words but it does. I exhale a long breath that I wasn’t aware I was holding in.

  I lay back in the grass again and close my eyes.

  15

  ANALIE

  When my phone rings, my heart skitters in my chest.

  The number is unfamiliar and I stare at the screen, wanting to answer it but feeling so terrified that it might be news I don’t want to hear.

  How many prayers have I said today?

  More prayers than I’ve said in my entire lifetime.

  My patient looks at me worriedly. I warned her before the session that I might get a call and she was very understanding. It isn’t how I’d usually operate but these aren’t usual circumstances.

  “Hello,” I say softly.

  “Analie.” Aaron’s voice sounds gravely. Oh god. “Can you come now?”

  Tears spring to my eyes and I swipe them away. Is he failing? Does Aaron want me to come and say goodbye? “I can. What’s happening?”

  “He’s…he’s come round.” There’s disbelief in Aaron’s tone and for a second my brain struggles to believe what he’s said.

  “He’s conscious?”

  Aaron clears his throat as though he too is struggling not to cry. “He’s conscious…”

  There’s an uncertainty to his tone that I don’t understand. This is good news. Amazing news. Why does he not sound happier?

  “...but he can’t seem to talk.”

  “I’ll be right there,” I say, hanging up.

  My client begins to gather her belongings.

  “I’m so sorry,” I tell her. “I’d never usually…”

  She puts her hand up to interrupt me. “You don’t need to say anything,” she says. “Go be with your friend. My problems will wait until next week.”

  I smile quickly and we both make my way out of my office. I call to Alison that I need her to cancel the rest of my appointments for the day. I don’t give her a reason. There isn’t time. I just want to get to Robert.

  My shoes squeak against the hospital flooring as I dash down the corridor. I’m out of breath when I get outside the room and I can hear voices from behind the door. Are they doctors or his family? I don’t want to interrupt anything important but I need to see him. I need to understand what’s happening. I push down on the handle, opening the door slowly until I see Aaron and the doctor in the corner, discussing next steps. Robert is on the bed, his eyes closed and fists balled. He looks angry and I don’t get it.

  He’s awake. He’s alive.

  My heart is filled with hope.

  Then he opens his eyes and stares at me, and what I see is not the Robert I have come to know.

  There’s coldness in his blue eyes. There’s anger in his expression.

  Does he want me to leave?

  I could understand it if he did. Who am I to him when all is said and done? A woman he kissed when he didn’t know how damaged I was. A woman he fucked because he’s too broken to do anything else.

  My arms hang limply at my sides.

  I want to reach out to him. I want to tell him that I know what happened and I know why he pushed me away. I want to tell him that I don’t blame him and that he shouldn’t blame himself. He was given a second chance that day, whether he wants to accept that or not. Wasting his life in regret is the worst way to honor the girlfriend he lost.

  I take a step forward. I’m not going to let him push me away again. Robert needs me and I need him. But as I get closer to his bed, everything starts to fall apart.

  16

  ROBERT

  Analie’s here.

  I don’t want her to see me like this.

  I don’t want her pity. I don’t need her sympathy.

  I got what I deserved and every moment of pain I feel is nothing compared to what I caused Bethany. For a second time, I’ve cheated death and I just don’t understand it.

  I glare at Analie because I want her to leave, but her eyes are soft with concern and my throat burns. She takes a step forward, then another. My tongue is like lead in my mouth. The words are screaming in my mind; ‘get out’, ‘leave me alone’, ‘I don’t deserve you’. But nothing comes out.

&nb
sp; Just as she gets close enough to speak, there’s a screaming pain in my head. I gasp, my arms raising to press on my temples but they are tethered by drips and wires. The terrible machines that have brought me back to life again begin to beep, filling the room with panic.

  I grit my teeth and a sound leaves my mouth. ‘Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…’ It doesn’t sound human.

  Then everything goes black.

  17

  ANALIE

  The sounds of the machine alarms are too terrible to bear. Robert’s eyes roll back and all the tension that I was in his body slips away.

  He’s limp and motionless and my heart seems to stop.

  The doctor is there immediately, pushing the alarm button which sends more hospital staff rushing to Robert’s bedside. I can’t move as I watch the commotion.

  I don’t hear the orders the doctor makes until Robert is being moved and I need to get out of the way. I don’t know how close I am to breaking until I feel strong arms around me and I’m pulled against Aaron’s body and cradled.

  I can’t breathe.

  “Sssh…” Aaron hushes gently. I sob, my shoulders racking as I gasp for breath.

  “What happened?” I ask. Does Aaron even know?

  “The doctor warned me that there was a slight bleed on his brain. They were hoping it would resolve itself but…”

  “They’re taking him to surgery?” I look up and Aaron nods.

  “But he was okay?”

  Aaron shakes his head. “Robert hasn’t been okay for sixteen years.”

  “He can’t die,” I tell him. “He needs to live. I need to…I need to tell him that it wasn’t his fault. I need him to wake up.”

  Aaron’s hand smooths my back.

  “I want that too. Maybe you can get through to him. Maybe you can succeed where I have failed.”

  I shake my head because he’s wrong. “You haven’t failed. He just wasn’t ready to listen.”

  Aaron draws away. “I need to call our parents. They’re on their way. I want them to know what’s happening before they get here.”

  I nod and go to take a seat in the corner of the room. I don’t know how long I’m going to have to wait until Robert comes back. A flicker of doubt enters my mind but I push it away.

  He’s going to make it.

  Nothing else is an option.

  18

  ANALIE

  6 weeks later

  Today is a big day and I’m worried.

  Aaron is going home and I don’t know how Robert is going to get on.

  Truthfully, I think I’m more worried about me. Aaron has been a rock since Robert’s accident and I’ve been relying on him more than I realized. Now he’s leaving and I need to envision a tomorrow where I’m Robert’s only companion. I feel as though he’s been putting up with me up until this point. I feel as though I’ve been useful background music.

  I don’t think I can play this tune in solo. I think he’s going to boo me off the stage.

  The last four weeks have been about getting Robert better physically. The bleed on his brain was stopped before it could do any real damage. His left hand isn’t as strong as it was but it’ll improve with time. At least, that’s what the doctors have promised.

  But Robert’s physical issues are really the least of his problems.

  He won’t talk to me about what happened. I’ve told him that I know about Bethany, and he won’t talk about that either. I’m a psychologist and I cannot get him to open up. He’s undermining my faith in my abilities. It’s driving me mad with frustration.

  I won’t leave him, though. I won’t give up on him.

  I know the man beneath the mask. I’ve seen glimpses of who he could be if he’d just allow all of his burdens to burn away. I want to bring him back so he can thrive.

  I will not allow him to slip back into the presence of a life he was living.

  Aaron emerges with his suitcase, looking pristine as ever. He’s smiling but his striking green eyes are worried. I know he doesn’t feel ready to leave but he can’t keep delegating his work. His business needs him. “You all ready to go?” I ask.

  “Yeah. I think I’ve gotten everything I need. I’ve left some things in the closet, though, for when I come back.”

  I nod. He’s going to return in a few weekends time. I’m hoping that Robert will be okay until then. I’m praying I can make a breakthrough.

  “You don’t need to look so worried,” Aaron says softly. “You’re doing great.”

  “If by great you mean he’s still letting me hang around his penthouse like a lost puppy, then yes.”

  He laughs. “It’s a big thing that he wants you here.”

  “I didn’t give him a choice,” I remind him.

  “Yesterday, when you were running late, he asked me where you were.”

  I’m shocked. It’s the only sign he’s given that my presence means anything to him. “He did?”

  “He needs you,” Aaron says. He puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes reassuringly. “He’s not good with talking about his feelings. I think it’s why the therapists failed to help him after the accident. He’s like a closed nut. But you being here...well, I know it’s what he needs. I know it’s what he wants.”

  I exhale, a weight of worry slipping from my shoulders. “I was panicking that he might kick me out as soon as you go down in the elevator.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Where is he, anyway?”

  “Taking a shower. He’ll be out in a minute. I’ll wait for him, then I’ll be off. I have a car waiting outside.”

  Just as Aaron finishes, Robert emerges, his wet blond hair flopping over his forehead in a way that’s more boyish than I’ve seen him before. He looks as nervous as I feel. He pushes his hair back and the scars on his right hand take my breath away. I know I shouldn’t notice them but I can’t help it. They are fresh and new and I still haven’t gotten used to the way he is now.

  “Is your car here?” he asks.

  Aaron nods. “I should get there with plenty of time.”

  “That’s good.”

  We stand around looking awkward. “It was so nice to meet you,” I say to Aaron, feeling ridiculous. The nice to meet you was appropriate four weeks and a whole lot of drama ago. I step forward to kiss his cheek and he tugs me into a bear hug.

  “You look after yourself, Doc,” he jokes. “And my brother.”

  My cheeks pink with embarrassment. “I’ll try,” I whisper and he laughs.

  I glance over at Robert as I draw away and he seems uncomfortable. Maybe public displays of affection aren’t something he’s used to. I saw the way their parents were at the hospital. It was all very austere. “I’ll show you out,” he says and Aaron nods.

  “I’m going to make myself a hot chocolate. Would you like one?” I ask him.

  He nods and the brothers make their way to the door. I busy myself hunting for the things I need in the cupboards and fridge. I don’t want to intrude on their moment but I do glance over quickly and catch them in a back-slapping manly embrace that makes me smile.

  When I hear the door click shut my heart skitters in my chest. We haven’t been alone since Robert stood in my office and I told him there was nothing between us.

  I was a liar then, and I don’t want to be a liar now.

  Sometimes we refuse to see what is in front of us. Fear makes us blind, but I’m not blind or scared anymore. My eyes are open and so is my heart. I just hope Robert’s are too.

  He comes to sit at the counter in the very spot I chose all those weeks ago. I make the hot chocolate exactly as he did, placing pink candy on the top when I’m done. I slide it across to him and he nods. “Looks like you make a good hot chocolate,” he says softly.

  “I learned from the master.” I smile gently because everything feels precarious. One wrong move and he might tell me to leave. He’s not ready to be alone and I’m not ready to let him go.

  “I’m going to need to sit on a softer chair,�
� he groans. “The bruises on my back are still playing up.”

  I follow him to the lounge and take a seat on his comfy gray sofa. We both cradle the hot mugs in our hands. On the surface, everything seems fine, but my insides are knotted with nerves.

  “It’s quiet without Aaron,” I say.

  Robert nods. “He was good to stay for as long as he did.”

  “He didn’t want to leave now but I think he’d put work off for as long as he could.”

  I sip my creamy drink and think about what to say next. Silence sits between us uncomfortably. Just as I’m about to interject with something banal, Robert clears his throat.

  “I really appreciate everything you and Aaron have done for me.”

  “It’s nothing.” I wave a hand to emphasize. “Anyone would have done the same.”

  Robert shakes his head. “How many of my so-called friends have you seen knocking down my door?”

  “Did you call them your friends?”

  “No,” he says.

  “Well then.”

  “But I didn’t call you my friend either.”

  “Ah, but I’m special,” I joke.

  “Yes, Analie. You are.”

  I don’t know what to reply. This is more direct conversation than we’ve had since before his accident and he seems different.

  “I’m not special,” I tell him. “I’m just a person who met a man at a ball and who hasn’t been able to forget the smile in his eyes or the way he made me feel.”

  Robert sighs shakily. “That man was hiding.”

  I shake my head. “I don’t think so. I think that man just didn’t know how to deal with the hand life had dealt him. He didn’t know how to ask for help.”

  “I didn’t ask you,” he says.

  “Maybe not directly.”

  “But you knew,” he says gently leaning forward to place his mug on the low, wood table in front of us.

  “I’m a professional,” I say. “It’s hard not to notice the things I’ve been trained to see.”

  “But I was never your patient. And yet still you cared.”

  I take hold of his hand, enveloping his warm fingers in mine. “You’re a good person, Robert. I know you haven’t felt that way for a long time, but I one event shouldn’t have the power to cloud our lives forever.”